Long time no post

The boys at Bill's have wondered why there have been no posts about their adventures of late.
Simply put: the Family of Writers that comprise Ironwood County Books and its affiliated Flying Toad Books have been busy with the Irregulars series: not only writing the latest installment but also answer letters to the editors. Stay tuned, Pilgrims!

Post-Election Fatigue Sets in at Bill's

The boys at Bill's Café finally had the stomach to talk about the election. They were exhausted from the never-ending onslaught of television ads blasting one opponent over another. The commercials were never about policies--just personalities.

"Interesting to see what we get in these next four years," George Thompson muttered over his coffee. "It just don't seem like a flimflam man like Trump can do much to drain the swamp when he has plenty of swamps in his own backyard."

"You mean in his tower," said Joe Johnson. "I voted for the guy, but I didn't feel good about it. I remember Eisenhower--remember when he left office warning about the military-industrial complex running our country? Sounds like that's where we're heading."

"Hard to say. Just like getting a straight answer out of Trump."

"You get plenty of answers from him. He says what he means."

"I mean truthful."

Joe shrugged. "We ever going to know what the truth is?"

Bill walked over and refilled everyone's coffee cups. "Cut the talk about politics. All I know is we can handle our own affairs if we'd just be allowed to do that. Unlike people who live in Washington or Hollywood, we see truth every day in a small town."

George and Joe looked at each other. "You got that right, Bill," George said.

Joe lifted his coffee mug. "I'll drink to that."

"Catching the Stream" hits (theoretical) bookshelves

The boys down at Bill's Café all wanted to talk at once about the latest news from Ironwood County. The rumors had proved true: author John Schreiber had indeed written another book about their county, and it was available just about anyplace books could be purchased. The title is Catching the Stream.

"Just be glad," George Thompson said, "that the bookstore in Rochester closed. They always had his books, but folks can't find it there no more."

"Well," Bill himself injected, "not too many people read books anymore either, so they're not about to search this one out."

"But I hear," George Thompson said, "that some locals are mentioned."

"Don't worry about that," Bill replied. "Schreiber always changes the names. Only we know who we are. The book tells how Matthew Blake found out the truth behind the Dixon's kid's death."

"You mean it wasn't a drink and drive accident?" George said.

"Don't you keep up on anything?" Bill asked.

"Guess not," George said, and scratched his chin. "Hm. Maybe I better read the book. Should I ask to see if the library will get one in?"

"Don't you even think about that," Bill said. "Any sale will just encourage Schreiber to write another book about us."

Joe Johnson sipped his coffee. "So what's the big deal if Schreiber wrote a book about the county? As you said, no one reads books anymore, and he changes the names anyway."

"It's the idea," George Thompson said. "Ain't we got a right to privacy?"

Ironwood County in News Again

After a quiet spring and summer, something local residents prize, Ironwood County blasts across the news feeds of at least a three-county radius because infamous author John Schreiber is publishing his seventh novel in late August, the fourth to focus on the quietest county in Minnesota.

The Boys down at Bill's Café reportedly shook their heads at the news and returned to their coffee cups. Bill himself hung a sign in his window: "No picture-taking by tourists allowed."

Local librarian legend "Miss Agatha" told a Dodge County reporter, "I've burned his other books. If that new one comes across this desk, I'll burn it too."

When reached by phone, John Schreiber (presumably) shrugged and said, "All my books are works of fiction. All characters are composites. I have no idea why anyone would be upset."

Clearly, the residents in Ironwood County find that his fiction hits too close to home.

Fall arrives in Ironwood County

Leaves are turning the maple trees in Ironwood County and, due to the early frost, apples have all been picked. School is in full swing with fall plays and football games. Many local schools are experimenting with increased technology for students, but long-time residents still just want their children to read and write better, along with a greater understanding of mathematics. Technology never seems to help those areas much. Accept pruf-reading.

Minnesota writer, John Schreiber, promises another book in his Ironwood County novels in 2015. Locals are already worried who will appear in his so-called "chronicles." Fortunately he changes the names to protect residents, but we all know whom he means.

Mid-term elections are approaching with another flurry of attack ads. Most people would just like their government to do as little as possible--unless it means better roads. That means we can look forward to more divided government--that's the best way to keep those lawyers from making more laws.

Until you read the next news flash from Ironwood County, go for a drive in the colorful Minnesota fall and stop by an apple orchard.

Spring finally coming to Ironwood County

Spring has finally come to Ironwood County and there is no longer any snow in a long-range weather forecast. 'Nuff said.

The Not-Affordable Care Act

Christmas was quiet in Ironwood County--just as everyone wishes it. The cold snap has descended onto the Midwest with little hope of lifting for the new year. However, colder yet is what the government has done to much of southeastern Minnesota--allowing insurance companies to dump the highest rates in the Midwest onto a handful of counties.

Jack Kiln, resident and armchair politician, spouted off about it at Bill's Café on Monday. Andrew Johanson, newly retired local newspaper editor, was there to capture his comments:

"The “Affordable” care act has marched directly into the same bureaucratic swamp where the No Child Left Behind act disappeared. Both are excellent, simple ideas that bureaucrats who do not understand real-world living conditions twisted into a Gordian knot. These people—legislators on down—do not understand because they have always had a well-funded health plan handed to them.

"Notice that I’m not talking about website fiascoes or President Obama’s rule-changing, but the legislation itself. If someone had been covered under an insurance plan of any sort—even catastrophic—why did the law make anyone change in the first place? Isn’t the idea that everyone should have insurance, not legislate what type of insurance an individual should have? If people don’t feel that they need or want chemical dependency coverage, for example, why mandate it?  Ah, the knot begins to form . . .

"Secondly, the legislation requires employers to provide group insurance. Why? Thee are many ways to ensure that people are covered. For example, if a company wishes to provide money for workers to buy their own individual insurance (called an HRA), why does the government care so long as individuals have insurance? Isn’t that what the tax penalties are for? The knot gets every bigger . . .

"Next. Where’s family insurance in this legislation? Single coverage is mandated. Family coverage is not. Previously, a family was covered either by a family policy taken out by the family itself or, most likely, through an employer. Now, however, the family rates are going up (as are the single rates) to pay for mandates, and yet only single is required by the employer. Hm. Employers know finances, even if the bureaucrats don’t. Put the benefit dollars into the single plans. Let the families fend for themselves. That’s what the government has done.

"So, for any family who is lower-middle class, that family probably qualifies for a subsidy. The best option is for one (or both) wage earners to take the company’s paid insurance for the single and put children on the exchange where they can get free health insurance.

"Does this make sense? Previously, families covered themselves through the employer or their own resources; now they are financially rewarded for tossing their kids onto public subsidies.

"I am not making this up. This “solution” has appeared in various publications and on several health care websites. The bureaucrats’ rationale is that now all children are covered—even those who previously didn’t have insurance.

"Now we see the heart of the knot—a good idea corrupted by details, proving, once again, the old adage that the “Devil is in the details.” How does this happen? Details destroyed No Child Left Behind—sledgehammers were legislated where a scalpel was required. Why? Because the government uses top-down legislation rather than foster bottom-up solutions.

"As always, there is only one way of getting out of a Gordian knot—cutting it—which will prove nearly impossible because Republicans have failed to find another solution to the health care crisis and Democrats are afraid to lose face and fix the Affordable Care Act.

"Because of an unwillingness in both parties to fix it , we might end up with what no one wanted—a government-run, rationed health care system."

Finally done with his tirade, Jack Kiln sat back and drank his hot chocolate. The boys at the café nodded and refilled their coffee. Most had no clue what he had said.

MNsure's Babe the Blue Ox Drops Excrement onto Southeastern Minnesota

Ironwood County, like the rest of the counties in southeastern Minnesota, has been written off by insurance companies, as evidenced by the recent MNsure site revelations. Higher insurance rates and few offerings are what every resident in SE MN can look forward to under the new "affordable care act." The boys at Bill's Café (those who understand it) had more than a few words to say about this development.

Jack Kiln was particularly incensed. "I know this doesn't affect everyone at this table," he said, "but it makes it a lot more expensive to live here, and if you look deeper into the actual rates that are filed with the state, they're a lot higher than are listed on the 'what you'll pay' page."

"I don't understand," said Bill. "Can't I keep my current insurance?"

"Only if your plan goes back more than a few years."

Bill scratched his head. "Hm. I raised my deductible last year."

"Then, as a sole proprietor of a business, you'll probably have to go to the exchange, or get a policy that's virtually identical from an agent."

"Then you're saying that I have only one choice of a plan from one company in Ironwood County?"

"Yes," said Kiln, "unless something changes quickly."

Joe Johnson leaned on the table, intrigued. "But what about other counties in southern Minnesota? Are we all written off?"

"Not all, but it's not much better. Some of them have two companies offering a plan. But even those plans are more expensive than anywhere else in Minnesota."

"Hold on on minute," Bill said, now irate. "You're saying that if I move to Rice County, let's say, a few miles away into south-central Minnesota, that I can get a better rate?"

"Yes," Kiln said. "Same plan. Same doctors. Less cost."

"So why are we getting ripped off?"

"No one's giving an answer," Kiln said. "All we know is that Ironwood and other counties are the pariahs of the state."

"Isn't this supposed to be fair and affordable health care?" Joe asked.

"Fair for some," Kiln said.

"Ain't we all one state?" Bill asked. "Isn't this MNsure--not 'Let's cut the counties up for the insurance companies'?

"All I know is that it is far more expensive in SE MN than anywhere else in the state," Kiln said.

Bill scratched his head again. "So MNsure's Babe the Blue Ox dropped a big pile of excrement onto SE Minnesota."

"Yep," said Kiln.

Summer arrives in Ironwood

News from Ironwood has been scarce this spring. Farmers are frustrated with continual rain and everyone is frustrated with the unusually cold weather. However, summer is finally here and the apples have blossomed. Some bees managed to find the apple blossoms despite the continual rainy spells.

Now that the blossoms have fallen, Ironwood County organic apple growers have put out the codling moth traps. It's an old Minnesota recipe that puts a banana peel, a cut of sugar, and a cup of apple cider vinegar in the plastic milk jug that is then filled the rest of the way with water. The experts hang one per tree and keep it there for a few weeks. They try to keep the hole large enough to attract the moths but  small to keep butterflies from entering the trap as well.

After that they start putting apple footies on the apples to prevent apple maggots from destroying the crop. They say the maggots start appearing around July 1, so there isn't a big rush. Once the footies are on, they take the coddling moth traps down. By then the moths have quit laying eggs (for the most part)  and the apples will be good until harvest.

Election fatigue

The entire population of Ironwood County is tired of the political ads, particularly those that are paid for by unknown groups whose real identity is hidden. The loser in this race is the American public. No matter who wins, the only real winner is the media.

"Think about it," Bill told the boys at his café, "what if it were not a tight race? The closer the race is in each state, the more advertising flows into that state. The talking heads of journalism as well as the real reporters have a vested interest in a tight race. An apparently race close draws us into watching television, which causes ratings to go up, which causes advertising revenues to rise. In the media, it is known as job security. No one in the media wants a landslide, unless it's the morning after. Then that causes us to watch once again as so-called experts explain what happened."

"I'll have a refill of coffee," Joe Morrison said. "What you just said is too complicated for me."

Boys at Bill's Bemoan Loss of Common Sense in Politics

The boys at Bill's Café cannot get over the lack of common sense in both political parties. The Democrats, normally ones for change, want to keep the voting law the same, while the Republicans, usually ones for keeping the status quo, want to change the state constitution. Clearly, conservative and liberal are merely labels to apply when it's convenient to your point of view.

Bill shook his head at the whole thing. "It gets worse," he said, as he filled the boys' coffee. "Why attack our diplomats for trying to put out a fire?"

"What do you mean?" George Jackson asked.

"The Americans in Egypt were getting surrounded by these uneducated, brain-washed knuckle-heads who don't know a fifth-rate cheap movie trailer from something produced by the American government. The embassy released a statement." Bill pulled out the newspaper. "Here's what they said: 'The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims -- as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions." Bill threw down the paper in disgust. "So some our own American knuckle-heads are attacking that statement as sympathy for vandals and killers."

George scratched his head. "That's what I heard it was."

"Look," said Bill. "If you were surrounded by a bunch of knuckle-heads threatening to burn you down, are you going to call those knuckle-heads 'knuckle-heads' to their face or are you going to tell them you understand their anger but you don't agree with anyone who insults others?"

George looked puzzled. "I guess I'd first try to get the situation to settle down, then try to get the truth out."

"Exactly," said Bill. "And here, once again, politicians think we're as stupid as those knuckle-heads who can't tell the difference between a nut in Hollywood and real workers in America."

Dry fall in Ironwood County

School has started and the leaves are starting to turn and it's been quiet lately at Bill's Café in Hillcrest. The boys complain about the dry weather, but then they've all heard that before. Fortunately a bout of rain in August helped the corn crop, so the soybeans and corn are both looking good.

Occasionally the conversation wanders close to politics, but the boys are careful to quickly change the subject. All of them are already tired of political commercials. Advertising just convinces them that both parties are full of hypocrites. When voting time comes they'll vote, of course, because they've always done it, but they'll close their eyes and hold their noses when they cast their ballot. If there was a "Give me another choice" on the ballot, they'd eagerly choose that.

Over in Maple Valley, Mrs. Lois Sand has appeared in the Sheriff's report regularly of late, guarding her apple trees from squirrels with her .22. Of course she's extra careful where she shoots, and her aim is spectacularly accurate, but the law is the law. No shooting of firearms in city limits. Even if the shooter is Lois Sand.

No news of significance out of Paradise. As far as the rest of Ironwood County is concerned, that is very good news. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the sordid events recounted in John Schreiber's book Passing Through Paradise, and that is how the county likes it.

Boarding House Owner Disarmed

Sheriff Garrison last Sunday evening responded to a 911 call at Mrs. Sand's Boarding House. When he arrived, he found Mrs. Lois Sand, the owner, sitting on her back porch with a .22 rifle across her lap.

Sheriff Garrison asked why she had called him. She pointed to a squirrel that was pulling an apple footie off her apple, taking a bite from the apple, and dropping both apple and footie. "He's destroying my organic apples," she fumed.

Garrison scratched his head. "And what do you want me to do about it?"

She held up her .22. "If you don't kill that apple robber, I'll use this."

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" he asked.

"No. My shotgun would be. But that would harm some of my apples."

Jay Kills Finch

Miss Agatha Peabody, retired Hillcrest librarian, was sitting on her deck Wednesday, enjoying her late afternoon glass of lemonade, when she screamed in terror. John Schreiber, local author, happened to be walking by with his wife and rushed to her assistance. There, beside her deck, lay a decapitated house finch.

She pointed with a trembling hand at the feathered head beside her deck. "It was a blue jay," she stammered. "He killed it and picked it apart, then flew off with the body, just as you came."

While Marilyn Schreiber consoled Miss Peabody, Schreiber picked up the head. "Not quite the sensational murder we had in Hillcrest a few years ago*, but this should still make The Ironwood Times."

* see Life on the Fly

Late May in Ironwood

Graduations are taking place throughout Ironwood County schools. Maple Valley and Hillcrest High Schools have the largest classes at 124 and 98 respectively. In neighboring Dodge County, Triton High School require that their seniors finish presentations on their individual projects before graduating. Though teachers in Ironwood County laud Triton for this excellent educational process, administrators in Maple Valley and Hillcrest fail to grasp the vision for educational improvement.

In other Ironwood County news, the early warm weather and heavy rains have turned plants, gardens, and trees into a lush vision suitable for Country magazine. However, the boys at Bill's Café worry that this much rain means drought later in the summer. "It's the law of averages," most say.

Apple trees budding already

The strange non-winter in Ironwood County has slid into an early spring. Some over at Bill's Café believe we'll have a wet April, some a dry, and a few think we'll yet have a wet, heavy snow before we see summer.

The apple trees are also showing signs of life early. Coddling moths will be out in force, along with other insects such as apple maggots. Local author John Schreiber swears by the old farmers' coddling moth trap: a banana peel, a cup of sugar, and a cup of apple vinegar poured into a gallon milk jug and filled with water. Hang it from the tree and you'll get rid of coddling moths. He's experimented with a half-recipe and a half-gallon and says it works just as well. He also says the best thing for apple maggots are "footies" or apple maggot barriers. Combining the traps and the footies ensures completely organic and quality apples.

Vikings are always a gamble!

The boys at Bills Café were puzzled by the Minnesota Legislature--again. "Why would conservative Republicans want to expand gambling?" Bill asked as he brought over the coffee. "That ain't conservative. I remember in the old days when people got arrested for running a poker game. Conservative means you don't do something new."

"Times 're changing, Bill," George Wilson answered. "Conservative isn't the issue any more. It's all about not raising taxes."

"But who are you getting to gamble?" Bill replied. "It's not the rich who'll be losing that money. It'll be the people who can least afford it."

George just smiled. "Now you understand."

Ironwood County enters new year

Ironwood County remains calm after the holidays. Most residents are discouraged with the weak winter--those same people are the ones who complained about last year's interminable winter.

Unlike citizens in Iowa or New Hampshire, no one in Ironwood County has been particularly excited about any of the Republicans. Or any Democrat for that matter. Most wish that politicians would quit worrying about holding their jobs and focus on strengthening the infrastructure of the country--and all that entails.

Local author John Schreiber's internet sales of his books continue strong--especially "Life on the Fly" and "Heartstone," and, at the same time, he has received good reviews lately for his overlooked "Passing Through Paradise." Asked if he was planning a sequel on either "Life" or "Heartstone," his cryptic reply was "Yes."

Thanksgiving in Ironwood

Thanksgiving was first celebrated in 1621, one year after the Puritans landed, one year after losing about 50% during the previous winter. Yet they gave thanks in the face of another winter. Would modern Americans, who have known plenty, give thanks in similar circumstances?

More news about "Occupy Minnesota"

The boys at Bill's Café are closely following the protests in Minneapolis. They hope some of those protesters would come down to Ironwood County and occupy the Hillcrest courthouse lawn. Bill  in particular is wondering how he could entice a busload or two. Everyone figures it would be great for local businesses. After all, the news says it's costing the Cities a lot of money, and that money's creating jobs. And those Occupy Minnesota people need to eat and need to buy supplies. That's even better for the local economy.

"Just think of the meals I could cook," Bill said. "I could even name them special. The protester's pie. Main Street meatballs. Wall Street walleye--naw, that'd be too good for them crooks. Maybe Wall Street wieners."

In other news, local author John Schreiber's books are now available in various ebook formats.

"What's an ebook?" Bill asked.